Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
