$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
