i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
