dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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