Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
