i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
