when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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