Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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