I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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