nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
