Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
