Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
