Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
