before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize