He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
