she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
