Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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