Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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