were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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