i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
