Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
