ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
