Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
