...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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