Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
