Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
