my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
