Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
