I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
