He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
