She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
