Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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