Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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