I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where is the hickey?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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