can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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