My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
