i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
