How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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