You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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