Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
