Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
