All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
