$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
