Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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