i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
handjob tips. give me some.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
