so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
