C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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