i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
