We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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