Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
