do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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