CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
