I cannot find my penis.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
