We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
