I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
