Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
