The maid of honor just puked.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
