hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
