dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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