If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
