We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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