i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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