I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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