He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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