There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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