Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
