i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
