just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
