It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
