Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
