Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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