we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
