It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
