I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize