you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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