I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think people are normalizing furries
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
