Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
