i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
