I just cut my nipple shaving
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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