i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
