I'm pants shitting drunk right now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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