I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
